Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Crying a River

Oh geez...coming back from dropping off my daughter...yuck I feel so aweful. I do not like that my daughter has a broken home! NOOOOOO! It is an unacceptable casualty. But it is irregardless of the legal status. My worst fear is a reality. I never never never in a million years wanted this to be the case, having a child in a broken home. NO NO NO NO NO nooooNOOO!

No wonder I couldn't accept this and tried to believe it was possible we could all have a happy home together; it was never the case! I just couldn't accept that another generation would endure this as I did! WHY! I thought I was so careful. I thought I was so sure that would never happen. I need medication. I am a mess. I cannot cope with this turn of events. I guess turning from reality isn't the worst thing, is it? Believing a comfortable lie?

I HATE THAT ALMOST MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE! I HAVE to cope with this. This is the life I'm living. I cannot avoid the truth. I have to keep walking, and forward would be nice!

I am a single mom. I have a daughter who will feel the pain of brokenness in her home.

oh help *gasp* it is all damage control, tact, and trying to make this as smooth as possible, from here. that is all that is left for me to do it seems. I want to make the best of this as much as I can. I hope my girl never feels the way I did/do from my own feelings of being torn in so many directions. I CAN'T let that happen! THIS is going to be my lifelong endeavor.

3 Comments:

Blogger Jose said...

And you shall succeed in that endeavor.

I hadn't had a chance to go blog hopping but today I'm saying hi to all my co-bloggers.

Hope things are better for you, don't be a stranger miss your posts at my site.

2:54 PM  
Blogger Moof said...

Hoping4More ... you can still make the time you have with her fill her needs, even if you have a "broken home."

Yes, little girls can tell when there aren't two parents ... but many children have grown up with only one parent, and not felt the absence of the other because of the love of the one they had.

Just "be there" for her, love her, and never put her between Daddy and yourself. Tough call sometimes, but love can do it.

Hang in there ... don't despair.

{{{ blog hugs }}}

6:47 PM  
Blogger Hoping4more said...

thank you moof, i appreciate your kind words!!

11:03 AM  

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