Monday, August 07, 2006

Bloggy Blues

Hello...more blog talk....seriously though, talking realistically about this habit...I've heard some say it is dangerous because it creates a "false sense of intimacy". It's all in good fun, isn't it? Who takes it that seriously? But I know it is filling a void in my life that perhaps it isn't meant to fill. I have always liked writing, and this arena is a whole different ballgame than that huge stack of journals I have filled up over the years...this is strange, different, and I'm actually TALKING TO REAL PEOPLE, even though it's over anonymous handles...that safety creates an atomosphere more condusive to sharing...

AND I GO MESS THE WHOLE THING UP by having some REAL friends on the blog as well as most that I have never met and really know precious little about. So how can I make sense of my blogging habit now? Do I...start over, and keep what's anonymous, anonymous? And keep another site for friends, etc, that I am close to, but actually know? There are a couple of those I'd be willing to share the first site with...and then there would have to be a whole other blog for those such as extended family, to share what is not so private, with...and then that is three different blogs altogether!! What if I get confused and accidentally post something in the WRONG HANDLE, linking two together that would be very inappropriate to share with a particular audience? Oh brother....

I guess i will leave it at this for now. For me, writing is the tool I use to try to work through the seeming inconsistencies in life, and finally try to make sense of things. It is not presentable oftentimes. People blog for so many different reasons. I write as a coping mechanism. So it is weird for me, at times, that I have combined these two purposes-coping and sharing, by blogging instead of just writing.

Sometimes I wonder if I am bordering on obsession, inappropriately, as I surf through some blogs and leave comments at other people's sites... What is that actual function of a blogger connection? The function I am looking for when connecting with other bloggers is affirmation. I look for what is lacking in my "real" life. I look for sharing thoughts, and trying to keep from going crazy in a world of contradictions...I look to see if there are any other people like me who are struggling with an issue, and how to solve it. I look to share my insights, and gain others' insights. It is a good thing, I THINK...

So, is blogger connection legitimate? I mean, it does connect different members of community to each other. Is it dangerous, because it is false? There are REAL PEOPLE behind every handle; isn't that real enough? It is perhaps a relatively dangerous context, because of anonymity the comfort of sharing goes up, while guards go down, and maybe that breaks down appropriate boundaries? I don't know. I'm just sayin'...

Perhaps it is indicative that there is definitely something not totally kosher in real life. (for some, such as myself). That I would not argue with. Does blogging substitute for getting real help and real answers? Maybe it relieves me more than it should. But then, if I experienced NO RELIEF from my stresses, what would happen then? More questions...with no answers... so I type it off into cyberspace yet again, as if someone magically will post a comment with *the perfect solution* just for me! I'm really silly...yes, I know...

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