Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Mr. Husband

You see? He had NEVER done that before and never since...THAT is a good reason to have trusted him. only that once did he betray my trust on that core of a I could not understand and it left me in shock for so long...I couldn't believe it and I didn't know for sure it was on purpose for three more years. but it was. he did it on purpose.

For six years I had known him, lost my virginity five years before, to him...I had NO REASON to suspect he would ever pull that, and STILL after he did ... I was thinking of all the reasons why everything will be all right, to calm my fears...I thought, well I'm not supposed to be fertile...okay, everything's okay, I told myself to calm my worries.

life goes on...i just never took it all in at once because it was more than I could take, so, a little at a time, and now I'm up to full's tough.

but i need to keep going, keep going, trying to make it right...well it's not! but still, this is life...breathe in, breathe out...


Anonymous the Laughorist said...

Corny as it seems, or is, I remember going on and on to a friend about a problem several years ago and my friend interrupted and and kept interrupting, saying, Live in the now, live in the now, there's no other way, no other way. N-O-W.

Oh, I get it, I said.

And I still do.

or try to.

7:31 PM  
Blogger Hoping4more said...

"now" is depressing...marriage is depressing to me, I don't want to say that-I know that is not right. guess i'm not coping well with the "now"...

wish i could have a ticket away from my superego and tell it to SHUT UP.

thanks for that thought, gp

9:46 PM  
Blogger thethinker said...

"but i need to keep going, keep going, trying to make it right...well it's not! but still, this is life...breathe in, breathe out..."

You definitely have the right attitude. I wish I could be that positive.

2:35 PM  
Blogger Hoping4more said...

thank you, thethinker! you are kind to see a good quality in me, how I am handling it, with everything feeling so overwhelming to me...literally, I am breaking down, everything kind helps.
again, thanks.....

4:23 PM  
Blogger dragonflyfilly said...

i heard someone say that we take breath for granted. We forget that as soon a a newborn leaves the birth passage it takes it first, and most important breath of air, if it does not, we know something is wrong....and then, when a person dies we see them take thier LAST breath...and all the in-between breaths we just take for granted....kind of a curious way of thinking, don'tcha think?

12:02 AM  
Blogger Hoping4more said...

yes, too true! I like that perspective...isn't consistent, now, is it? we should cherish the ones in between!

very insightful. :)

9:57 AM  

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