Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Mr. Husband

You see? He had NEVER done that before and never since...THAT is a good reason to have trusted him. only that once did he betray my trust on that core of a level...so I could not understand and it left me in shock for so long...I couldn't believe it and I didn't know for sure it was on purpose for three more years. but it was. he did it on purpose.

For six years I had known him, lost my virginity five years before, to him...I had NO REASON to suspect he would ever pull that, and STILL after he did ... I was thinking of all the reasons why everything will be all right, to calm my fears...I thought, well I'm not supposed to be fertile...okay, everything's okay, I told myself to calm my worries.

life goes on...i just never took it all in at once because it was more than I could take, so, a little at a time, and now I'm up to full dose...it's tough.

but i need to keep going, keep going, trying to make it right...well it's not! but still, this is life...breathe in, breathe out...

6 Comments:

Anonymous the Laughorist said...

Corny as it seems, or is, I remember going on and on to a friend about a problem several years ago and my friend interrupted and and kept interrupting, saying, Live in the now, live in the now, there's no other way, no other way. N-O-W.

Oh, I get it, I said.

And I still do.

or try to.

7:31 PM  
Blogger Hoping4more said...

"now" is depressing...marriage is depressing to me, I don't want to say that-I know that is not right. guess i'm not coping well with the "now"...

wish i could have a ticket away from my superego and tell it to SHUT UP.

thanks for that thought, gp

9:46 PM  
Blogger thethinker said...

"but i need to keep going, keep going, trying to make it right...well it's not! but still, this is life...breathe in, breathe out..."

You definitely have the right attitude. I wish I could be that positive.

2:35 PM  
Blogger Hoping4more said...

thank you, thethinker! you are kind to see a good quality in me, how I am handling it, with everything feeling so overwhelming to me...literally, I am breaking down, everything kind helps.
again, thanks.....

4:23 PM  
Blogger dragonflyfilly said...

i heard someone say that we take breath for granted. We forget that as soon a a newborn leaves the birth passage it takes it first, and most important breath of air, if it does not, we know something is wrong....and then, when a person dies we see them take thier LAST breath...and all the in-between breaths we just take for granted....kind of a curious way of thinking, don'tcha think?

12:02 AM  
Blogger Hoping4more said...

yes, too true! I like that perspective...isn't consistent, now, is it? we should cherish the ones in between!

very insightful. :)

9:57 AM  

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