Friday, August 18, 2006

nighttime anxiety...

it's not terrible, but it's keepin' me awake...and it's the reason I am less focused during the day...not cool!!!! i don't know if medication or WHAT is the answer. but i've tried for a long time to get an appt. for possible medication, and I keep getting put off. I don't understand it! Paperwork from here to there and back and whatever!!! It's been several weeks, come on! This is riDICULOUS! oy...

I am not feeling anxious right now, just ALERT. like normal. My circadean rhythm is just this way, if I could do what I naturally do, then it would be fine! If there were second shift options in my field, that is!! It is funny because in MY profession, it is a huge deal to work first shift, and it seems strong people in my profession have fought hard to only have to work first shift!!

And then there's me...I'd prefer to work second shift. I've worked second and third shifts before and I was always much better then than during first shift hours. It's like something in my brain is asleep or dead during normal business hours!!!!

Oh funny to be in my shoes!

I wonder if it is the calm of night? I enjoy that calm...and if it ISN'T calm, then I AM anxious and STILL not sleeping... so a catch-22 I guess you could call it. I want everything to be quiet and calm, and I am fine.

I think I just am overstimulated in general, and like to have some control over my environment to protect from the burdening sense of extra stimuli in my world. it feels overwhelming other times in the day, bombarding my senses to respond to so many things...

what is in my brain that is keeping me awake? It is not so bad except that I need that "awake"-ness TOMORROW, in the MORNING and THROUGHOUT THE DAY!!!!! Why do I have it now? Fully conscious, alertness, calm....I need to redirect that to the critical times I absolutely MUST have it! I'm feeling powerless!

Tomorrow I will be a delayed zombie, that is the real trouble. The truth is, the sounds of my own family members drives me nuts! I need the quiet and calm to focus. So even if I were totally alert and calm, the sounds and vibes from mr. wonderful would drive me nuts...and this is the office where I plan my day and make my calls, etc. SO THERE IS A PROBLEM!

I have problems I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX! Oh boy...

How do you SOLVE a problem LIKE...Maria???

I'm all ears!!!!

Goodnight...or so I'm attempting...again.... oh..............zz, just kidding.


Blogger Jose said...

Just take two of these and call me in he morning!

Wish it was that easy, anyhow I neglected coming here for a while but I just caught up on reading most of your posts.

I don't have anxiety but I too find myself walking around like a zombie at times when I'm at work, funny how that works.

7:44 AM  
Blogger Hoping4more said...

ha ha...

i'll have to go check out your new posts! :)

10:59 AM  
Blogger Hepzibah Q. Hezekiah said...

Hey girlie, Open your own office, so that you can make your own hours. I'm sure there would be plenty of people who would appreciate being able to take advantage of your services after normal business hours, especially the families of your clients who might have to take time off from work to bring a loved one to an appointment. But you do a lot of house call work too, hrm...Have to throw that one in the back of the ole brain and let it marinate for a bit. You can do it, I know you can, because you are a strong, resourceful, capable woman, and because of that, you will win through!

9:15 AM  
Anonymous wolfbaby said...

try meditation...

good luck!!!!

7:28 PM  
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