Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Shame on me

This is hard to say. It is not attractive at all. I've been TRYING to overcome things. I didn't think I could really qualify but I DO. I am a sexaholic. It is not a good thing at all and I am deeply ashamed, but scared, SHITLESS! It is highly embarrassing. I'm living near my family here, who is deeply deeply traditional and such........

I'm afraid of losing my daughter if I'm completely honest. I don't trust my in-laws. I didn't even KNOW I was a sexaholic until I read a little about it on this site. I have caused a lot of pain to others with this. I cannot really feel safe to say everything but I'm seeking help.

I can't figure out where to look for help! But I am looking to the people on this site. I hope that helps.

Some people say there is no such thing. And in that case, I would just be a horrible person because otherwise I cannot figure out the definition. but to me, sex has been a drug, because the only way God meant it was within the contexts of a happy marriage, and that is not how I've had it. I am confused, and I am unsure, but it rings true in too many ways. I do not want to jump on the bandwagon too soon-it isn't something I want to publicly do! Go to a MEETING! Talk to other people who will probably GROSS ME OUT!! And I will probably gross other people out....

and I don't want to get stuck somewhere without getting the fullest of "recovery" because... for one thing many people just use things against you and don't understand how to help. And... also, there is an inherent flaw in the twelve step program, in my opinion, in general, but it is the best we have right now. I only think there is a little more needed, or actually a little different approach but I'd probably be boo'd all over out the door if I actually said it because people NEED to have something solid to rely on. They NEED to think this is it and if they do this program, they can get better. I think there is something definitely too that, but there is more needed and I'm a bit scared to get stuck in the "twelve-step trap". I am dubbing that word myself, now, but want to clarify it is my own personal opinion based on what I know and have seen, and there is more needed to actually quantify and clarify those points
I still have that main weakness of overanalyzing...of course, a faulty feedback loop that MUST be corrected...I hope....

7 Comments:

Blogger Hepzibah Q. Hezekiah said...

Hopey,
You are NOT a sexaholic. If you were a sexaholic, the guy that came on to you in that one store, you would have tried to find a way to f___k him. And you didn't. What you are doing is trying to make up for what you are missing in your marriage. Women equate sex with love, and you are just seeking that validation, because you aren't getting it anywhere else. YOU ARE NOT A SEXAHOLIC. I have spoken, go forth and enjoy your day.

9:18 AM  
Blogger Hoping4more said...

I love you Hepzi, you are speaking sense to me. thank you.

I need to make sense of my big freakin' butt.

9:24 AM  
Anonymous wolfbaby said...

I think your friend is right.. sometimes when your missing someting and desperate to find it you look anyplace you can to find a subsatute.. and sometimes that subsatute is sex..

hugs

3:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

nah, i don't think you are a sexaholic. there is such a thing, and it does radically impact the brain. though i do not really know your life and patterns, it is impossible for me to completely say this with confidence, but sexaholics get alot of sex hun. you been getting it everyday or something? maybe 4-5 times a day with strangers and shit? lol.

nah, i'm with hezzie. don't think so.

.............hubby of supermom

10:10 PM  
Blogger Hoping4more said...

I love you guys! Maybe hypochondriac is the better diagnosis, lol... also a human. and a nervous wreck right now!! good thing for that valium I just got a prescription for (lol).

attention-a-holic maybe? there goes my hypochondiac overanalyzing brain...

I need a cognitive behavioral therapy group as well as sensory integration therapy. I was trained in this myself, ironically! I really need to fix some of my thought patterns as well as address minor neurological concerns (doesn't FEEL minor....) that I know I have and has already been tested. ha. stick with that, huh? what I actually KNOW instead of: I HAVE EVERY KNOWN DISEASE TO HUMANKIND, OH NO!!!!! Ha ha ha. okay getting the point.

again, I love you guys. :)

4:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well my storys completely different but im up at 5:30 am and haven't slept yet because im having problems. I can not go a day without having sex. And my boyfriend and i constantly get into fights about it. when i dont get it i get very angry and even cry. i cant help it. but i dont know whats wrong with me and its killing my relationship and i love him dearly. but i cant go more than two days anymore. i freak out and whenever i get the chance when hes not around i constantly masturbate to help but it doesnt help at all. i always get upset because i think its because he doesnt find me attractive but i know now that he does. hes just not in the mood all the time like i am. you see, he got all of the sex out of his system at a young age. i did not. i didnt lose my virginity until a year or so ago and ever since i started i have no been able to stop. and the few people ive had sex with before him have not satisfied me. i dont know what to do but its killing me. help please, somebody

2:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also need help. just like anonymous i need to have sex evry day. I also get in arguments, bad moods, upset and even sleepless nights when i dont have sex. i feel like i can't focus if i dont get it. my girlfriend does satisfy me in bed, but she goes through mood swings where she'll be very sexual, to not wanting it for a while. that really kills me, i know that i wont ever cheat on her but i have had days where i wish i had a bed buddy i can call at any time to just have sex atleast 2 times a day. i cant go more than 2 days w/out having sex, i feel like im going to go crazy and i start to hurt! i really think i need help!

7:52 PM  

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