Monday, September 25, 2006

I fell in love...

Ha ha...this is funny. Today at the bank, I fell in love...with a picture of a happy family! It was so beautiful, made a person believe it is possible...these days, a mother, a father and a child. The couple and child, all three, looked so very happy. I stole that page out of the magazine (SHAME ON ME!!!) It was so beautiful. I may frame it; it's just that good. It was advertizing a real estate company, of course... and mortgage lenders, but it's all good!

Oh...the dreams a person can have...contentedness, peace, joy, comfort, all on the faces of a family bonded together in love (or so they fake it really well)! So gorgeous, beautiful, what dreams are made of. *gasp* *sigh* *swoon* *tear up*

ha ha ha. Oh, my heart is in a bad place, not hard, but with a precarious disposition.

I am sad for the state of families in America today. I am sad for our inability to trust the most sacred bonds that should exist barring each person's personal relationship with God. I am sad that mistakes are exaserbated instead of dealt with, and inflamed instead of calmed down, to make injury to the family unit a hundred times more pointed than by itself.

My heart breaks that my situation is the norm and NOT the exception... It shouldn't be this way. I wish I didn't perpetuate this crisis of family destruction. That's worse than murder.

Murder of the institute that teaches youth the way to live, values, principles... murder of the ability to have a tender heart that trusts, murder of that long-lasting love you can bank on when the world is cold and alien, murder of the warmth and comfort of home, murder of a way of life that I wish I could embrace! wholeheartedly...

and I killed it. I stupidly, erroneously, killed it... by undervaluing it in the first place, acting foolishly and impulsively, trapping us both, then cutting us free from the "web"...sticky, gooey grey codependency... and now that my heart is being "freed" from this web, I feel the icy cold of reality blowing on my bare naked heart, and it hurts tremendously.

2 Comments:

Blogger Hepzibah Q. Hezekiah said...

Ya know, you were only an accessory in that murder, you had help. And you know why that family looked so happy? Because they only had to spend one day together looking happy, and I'll bet not ONE of them was related to the other. Those ad bastards should be shot. Yeah, it would be awesome to have a perfect family all the time, but it would be BORING! And I'll bet they don't have the satisfaction of knowing they made it through a crisis together, and that is part of the bits that bond families together. I'm delirious, I don't know what I'm saying, I drank too much caffeine again. Love ya girlie! Have a good day! AD bastards!

11:41 PM  
Blogger Hoping4more said...

you are so cute! ha, good stuff there.
really, though...this picture is breath-taking. seriously... who's more delirious? I had a cup of coffee too, today..
and you are right. I tried to save it, but it was not truly alive in the first place, only a "phantom marriage". But it made me realize how sacred a real one would be! funny, huh? So really, nothing lost, in all actuality, but my lesson learned is huge. So only good came of this. I'll post this comment too!! Good stuff, my pal Hep Hez.

9:34 AM  

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