Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Quick Update...

Reeling from all the drama, I am exhausted and seeking refuge now, calm, away...FAR away (I wish).

because I am too worn out to go into great detail at this point on the blog, here is the "skinny" version:

my husband and I have discussed and agreed upon multiple "separation attempts" over the past year, after which each of them he would return or go to where I was, pretending nothing was wrong, and yet, unfulfilling the terms of reconciliation. the question of divorce has so wretched my brain but I truly could not afford securing a lawyer, as I have been the only one financially responsible for the last year and a half, and I have been slowly breaking down more and more. I have feared what may happen with my daughter and husband during visitation because he has been very emotionally and mentally abusive (to me) often during our relationship. but I didn't really think he would harm his daughter, at least intentionally....I was REALLY hoping he would just sign papers with me and make it easy on everyone. I was giving him a REALLY good deal, so why shouldn't he? I didn't want to have to break out the "big guns" with lawyers, etc. I was trying to be as peaceable as possible, and work out solutions that would work for everyone to the extent possible. I was giving generous visitation rights, no child support, and any mutual property he wanted, plus I wasn't touching his stuff he got from his own family worth several thousand, even though we are $60 in debt, and it all falls on me. All the things we own either I bought or my family gave us. He could have it all. I didn't care. I just wanted Nev to be in a calm home with connection to both her parents (who just can't get be married to each other). My father adamently believes in offering the most connection possible to both parents, but I feared he is too much like me (without having my unique perspective now) and did not assess the danger risk accurately with my husband. I myself did not assess it correctly, but I have felt unsafe and knew he didn't properly care for my child, that is enough for me not to want to leave her alone with him...that kept me holding on, partly because, with the support system in place that I have, his visitation rights would be a given. But I did not feel it would be good for her...

a week and a half ago my husband manipulated me into coming over when he had my daughter (I was more concerned for her) by crying uncontrollably on the phone. I was so worried. I went there to check on her and calm him down...as soon as his tears stopped his aggression started, leading up to his tying me up, with the verbalized intent to take my daughter far away, and before he could leave (THANK THE LORD) my family arrived at the door, gut instinct. I had been fervently praying that someone would show up before he could leave with her.

Police reports have been filed, his warrant will be issued; he is hiding out in another state, I have my girl, but no money right now and I have had to protect her from kidnapping attempts (his sister told a bunch of whopping lies to CPS apparently and had them in on an attempt to take her away-which thankfully NOW is all cleared up).

Wow. And that's the SKINNY version.........

oh, and my family is WONDERFUL and helping out IMMENSELY. and I have many amazing friends as well who have been moral support through this whole thing. I have been truly blessed. I am so thankful we are okay, and things will get better. It feels like FINALLY the shackles and chains are being sawed off ...

the police took pics of me that day, they said I'm lucky to be alive, these things usually end up MUCH worse...

things are getting better.

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